She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
