He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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