I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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