the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I look better un-naked...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
