Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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