I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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