I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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