I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
