Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
