so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
