cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
