Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
