dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
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how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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