WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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