becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
