3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
