I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
