You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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