remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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