Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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