we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
