So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
