Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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