and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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