What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
