I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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