i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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