Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
