dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
