whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
