Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
is wine microwaveable?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
