so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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