fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
