Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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