I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
