Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
