dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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