she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
