A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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