your parents love me but you hate me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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