Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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