Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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