Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
