I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize