I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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