Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Barsexuality is the new black.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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