Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
