it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
