3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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