I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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