White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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