Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
