I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
