Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this just has baby written all over it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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