My friends, they love my intelligence
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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