Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
