it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
