hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
