i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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