Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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