haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
