Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
