okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
