Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
