Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
