put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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