I hate your face
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pants are for mortals
Randomize