He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
