I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize