fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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