Got a toothbrush?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
