..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
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Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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