Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
