U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
