But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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