I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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