I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
