I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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