dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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