I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
