nut hugger
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
