Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
